Trouble Thinking

October 1, 2010

Assitant Attorney General of Michigan Targets Student Body President

So this is one of the weirder things I’ve come across.

First of all, no that’s not Buster Bluth, it’s Andrew Shirvell. Mr. Shirvell is an Assistant Attorney General of Michigan. Which means that he outranks Jack McCoy, and he’s basically supposed to be one of the chief prosecutors of the state of Michigan.

Now, I’m completely used to public officials being horrible to people, that’s understood. Sometimes people use the bully pulpit to bully people. But… this is just so petty and tiny and fucking weird.

Mr. Shirvell, an Assistant Attorney General of the great state of Michigan has, in all his infinite wisdom, declared war on the greatest threat to Michigan’s well-being that he could identify:


That’s Chris Armstrong, who you may remember from fucking nowhere. Because Chris Armstrong is the Student Body President at University of Michigan. Which is to say: he’s one of the least important people in Michigan, possibly the world.

He’s literally just some guy. I think I might have a higher security clearance than him because I know someone who’s thinking of joining the army.

Andrew Shirvell started a blog called “Chris Armstrong Watch” after young Mr. Armstrong got elected to, and I feel I need to remind myself of this every time, Student Body President. Starting with the spectacular opener:

“Welcome to ‘Chris Armstrong Watch. This is a site for concerned University of Michigan alumni, students, and others who oppose the recent election of Chris Armstrong—a RADICAL HOMOSEXUAL ACTIVIST, RACIST, ELITIST, & LIAR —as the new head of student government.”

He apparently couldn’t stand to see Armstrong just striding around like top cock of the walk all… deciding cafeteria hours? Allocating funds to student union organizations? I have no fucking clue because like most sane people I have no conception of what my college student body president did. The honorable Mr. Shirvell then spent several months writing extensive blog posts excoriating Armstrong for the crime of… well, mostly being gay whilst holding a position of minor responsibility at the collegiate level.

The blog is now private, probably due to the fact that around halfway through his interview with Anderson Cooper he realized he might look a bit crazy, but I’m sure there’s some archive of all the really ridiculously extensive hating he did. It’s really astounding how many words he could dedicate to the subject “I don’t like this one college student. Like seriously“. A lot of the posts include pictures of the kid with “EVIL” or “STUPID” scrawled on them in Paint because Mr. Shirvell, if I consult my sources, is like 6 years old.

If you watch the video above, you can see that Mr. Shirvell states that he felt justified because “Armstrong should expect this in a campaign.”

I want you to think about the last time you were in a student club. Think about sitting there, talking about whether Dan or Martha seem more suited to running the Model UN because well Dan does have a car but Martha’s got a much better schedule and she’s just so nice so and then Joe Biden comes on TV to announce that Dan is a total douchebag. It boggles the mind.

I can really only assume that this guy used to be Student Body President himself, or something. That’s the only possible way to justify being so randomly hateful toward such a tiny, tiny position. Well, that, and he really hates the gays. I mean, like a ton. Thank god he doesn’t seem to have utilized whatever power he’s got to really hurt Chris Armstrong directly, but holy fucking shit college must be a lot more nerve-wracking when a high-level state official is literally protesting outside your house:

“And, that’s why it’s even more disgusting that Armstrong and his fellow radical homosexual activists have recently wasted law enforcement’s valuable time all because they have a hard time grasping the fact that First Amendment rights actually apply to every citizen in this country – and not just them. Specifically, this past Labor Day, Armstrong and his fellow radical homosexual housemates at 306 E. Madison St. called the Ann Arbor police after a demonstration in opposition to Armstrong’s racism began on a public sidewalk in front of the residence. As noted on this watch site before, Armstrong’s first reaction is – and always will be – to quash any and all dissent by any means possible.” (thanks, google caching)

Remember, again, that this is a high-level state official who is actually honestly no-goddamn-fooling complaining that a kid with -if I might remind you- limited power over the lunch schedule of University of Michigan, is attempting to quash dissent.

It’s not even relevant whether or not Chris Armstrong is evil! He could be fucking Voldemort and he’d still have absolutely no ability to express his evil intent. Even the Eye of Sauron could at least point shit out!

Unfortunately as AAG isn’t an elected position the odds are good that Mr. Shirvell will remain an AAG so long as he doesn’t pop into the public’s eye again and his boss can keep free of political pressure. But well… at least all of his bluster seems to have been pretty ineffective. Here’s hoping this stays in the public eye long enough that he has to stop harassing this kid.


  1. Assitant Attorney General of Michigan Targets Student Body ……

    I found your entry interesting do I’ve added a Trackback to it on my weblog :)…

    Trackback by World Wide News Flash — October 1, 2010 @ 5:08 pm

  2. It’s kind of unfathomable how he’s managed to do this for 6 months.

    Comment by taekwondogirl — October 4, 2010 @ 6:16 pm

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